The taxman sent me a letter for "Amount due of £xxx". Subsequent investigation by us showed they were actually right because apparently we hadn't payed a tax contribution for an employee for Aug 2021. I hold my hand up, all this crap is done from a small smart phone and it was probably a case of not having tapped the last button, so no biggie.
The letter mentioned the possibility of spread-out payments, a form of Covid relief I guess...
So in these uncertain times and not knowing where the next pound is gonna come from I decided to try and use this 'opportunity'. The number 0564 456 76567, printed on the letter, was called.
Several menus and bad mood music (this would have bee better suited)* later I got to the inevitable AI interrogation:
t'Computer: 'Blah blah'
Me: 'F*ck off, you Capitalist pigs!'
t'Computer: 'Failure to comply can result in a fine or imprisonment'.
Glad to hear HMRC haven't completely lost their touch then!
Of course the above exchange is entirely fictitional. Instead, something more surreal but also irrelevant took place and it wasn't worth remembering.
t'Computer then decided it couldn't compute my immensely complex problem and advised to call... 0564 456 76567! No kiddin'!
So I'll call t'number, AGAIN. Thanks HMRC, much obliged!
Of course if The Machine is no longer able to extract monies from The Little people it may soon come to a grinding halt.
*One Hundred Years (The Cure)
It doesn't matter if we all die
Ambition in the back of a black car
In a high building there is so much to do
Going home time
A story on the radio
Something small falls out of your mouth
And we laugh
A prayer for something better
A prayer
For something better
Due to Sausage Fingers Syndrome, I use Google's AI voice recognition (AIVR) for searches on my 'smart' phone. Yesterday I dictated 'facebook duchess scarborough' (I run a pub in Scarborough) and Google transcribed it into:
facebook scarborough bastards
Thanks, google!
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